Embrace and Extend

How often have you been in a meeting, and felt that your colleagues' ideas were... poor? The natural reaction is to argue the point, shut them down, and then present your own solution. Yet if you do this, you will not see any support for your ideas, either during the discussion or afterwards.

Instead, why not try something different. No matter what they say, pretend that their "half-finished" idea is your own, and embrace it. Then extend the idea with something else: a clarification, a second step, or an implementation detail. The key to doing this successfully is to replace the word "but" with "and". (And to replace the word "no" with "yes".)

Imagine presenting an idea to your colleagues, and someone responded with a sentence that began with Yes But. This would signify the beginning of an objection. Yet if they started with Yes And - this would signal acceptance of your idea, perhaps with an improving clarification.

If despite all of your additional input you are unable to make their proposed idea work, then you can present your own alternative idea. By embracing and extending others' ideas, they will see you more as a colleague than competitor. If someone embraces and extends your idea, they are more likely to help it succeed. This technique is even more powerful if you are a manager: it positions you more as a coach.

This week's action item: Print out the words Yes And, then place them prominently near your telephone and computer. When you feel that you need to disagree with someone, instead try to embrace and extend their ideas: the first thing you say is Yes And.

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Randall Craig is an expert on Career Development, Work-Life Balance, and Networking; to find out how his workshops, webinars, and keynotes can help your team or add to your event, contact him through www.PersonalBalanceSheet.com, or by email at editor@ptadvisors.com.

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Copyright © 2008 Knowledge to Action Press and Randall Craig. All rights reserved.

Publication Date: July 1, 2008